Mindfulness is a term that has become increasingly known, to define it you can refer to the word in three languages; “mindfulness,” in English, full attention, in Spanish and Chinese it would be something like to be present of heart. In the end, it can be inferred that the common element that is highlighted in the three translations is the importance of being present. The idea behind this practice is precisely the training of the mind, body, and emotions, to place themselves in the here and now.
What Makes Mindfulness More Popular?
Multiple research in the area has found evidence that supports the idea that mindfulness can significantly improve human mental health. The results of this research show that the practice of mindfulness helps:
– Self-regulation of emotions,
– coping with stress,
– decreases obsessive thoughts,
– It promotes creativity
– has positive effects on pain perception
This means that meditating helps to feel good.
How do we incorporate mindfulness into our sex life?
There are authors who differentiate between two types of mindfulness practices. On the one hand, the practical form is found, which consists of the time spent meditating daily. While informal, it refers to the practice of mindfulness in any everyday situation, such as bathing, eating, and why not, sex. Thus, the invitation is to combine both practices, both formal and informal, to obtain greater results.
The intention is that more and more, it is possible to stop and pay attention with sincerity and without judgment, to what is being done at the present time. To achieve this, Bellymar and Irene describe 5 attitudes that propose the philosophy behind mindfulness that will make your sexual experience a more pleasant, sensitive, and satisfying moment.
1. Attitude not to judge
It involves putting aside the categorization of the experience as good or bad; pretty or ugly. In other words, the invitation is not to judge our bodies hard, or the body of others, and do not make difficult demands regarding your performance or that of other people. The idea is to allow the guiltless exploration and openness of sexuality, just as it happens with female masturbation.
2. Patient attitude
This corresponds to the ability to respect the natural process of things. Give the internal process time and not force it or rush it. Simply put, a plant doesn’t grow because I shouted at it, nor will you get faster to the pressing orgasm to do so.
Understanding that each person has a rhythm for things, even in sex, allows events to occur spontaneously and without pressure. And the pressure hinders pleasure; how many of us have not come to think that if a person does not reach the climax at a certain time, time that is arbitrarily allocated, it can mean that he is not enjoying enough or just not like us.
Perhaps before you draw those hasty conclusions the question would be, what is the time that person has to experience pleasure. And even more importantly, what are your times to get excited and drop fireworks? Once you know your times, you will be able to respect your rhythm and experience greater empathy for the rhythm of other people; which surely will not always correspond to yours.
3. Attitude of Beginner’s Mind
This is a new concept that characterizes the practice of mindfulness. It refers to the intention to abandon the belief that the outcome of events is always known. The idea is rather to give in to the ability to see things as they are, without getting ahead of quickly drawing people’s conclusions and the outcome of situations. This leads to being surprised when you are a child and everything that happens around is new.
An example that could clarify this attitude could be the imagination of the next situation, in which for five months, no orgasm has been experienced in sexual encounters. And that’s why many will assume that the next time a sexual encounter is brought, it won’t be achieved either.
But by cultivating the beginner’s mind, the attitude would be to be open to any outcome and result at the next meeting, rather than assuming from the outset that orgasm will not happen again. This helps to make performance different because when you don’t assume what’s going to happen, you act more fluently. So the internal permission is given to experience the moment with full attention, instead of ensuring that what happened in the past will be repeated over and over again; as if it were some fulfilled prophecy.
4. Attitude of acceptance
The attitude of acceptance is NOT to fight to change things that do not meet our expectations and that happen in our lives. It is a way of really observing who we are and what we have in the present, without resistance that makes it difficult to flow with life.
This does not mean that you have to like everything, let alone adopt a position of surrender; it is rather about accepting what you are now. Because as long as you don’t honestly see what happens, it perpetuates. When reality is accepted, that is when it can begin to transform it.
That’s why acceptance deserves to recognize who we are, even before we achieve change. So, the more we accept the body itself, the more tastes, times, and desires can be enjoyed with greater fullness. Also, everything that does not contribute to well-being can be transformed because part of acceptance implies, recognizing when something is not going well.
5. Attitude of trust
Finally, the invitation is to practice a security attitude mainly towards oneself. It is a question of trusting the competencies themselves; which in turn translates into a development of confidence towards others, towards nature, and the world at large. This attitude helps you delegate, because you know that everyone is able to do their part and feeds mutual respect in interpersonal relationships.
Confidence in the limits itself is also cultivated, which becomes an important focus when we talk about sexuality. Where, whether the encounter occurs with ourselves or accompanied by other people, what should prevail is respect and trust. This is how you ensure that rapprochement occurs from a place where the people involved are considered equal and therefore a safe environment can be generated to experience pleasure.
The practice of mindfulness opens the door to new experiences and possibilities and brings us to the here and now so that we can connect with ourselves and live sexuality fully and presently.