Many people do not show a level of life satisfaction that is in line with their living conditions. We could say that they have their needs covered and yet it is very difficult to see a smile on their face. We are talking about chronic dissatisfaction.
Living in complaint is one of the great evils, and also temptations, of the 21st century. Faced with this reality, there are two different approaches. One of them tells us that we must fully accept our situation. It’s all in our heads, we are told; facing chronic dissatisfaction is, therefore, a matter of learning to be happy with what we have.
The other approach is the complete opposite. If you feel dissatisfied with your situation, change it! We are told. Set a goal, work hard to achieve it, and when you reach it, you will be fine. But what if I told you that the key to dealing with chronic dissatisfaction is a mix of these two approaches?
Why does dissatisfaction occur?
We’ve all felt dissatisfied with something at certain times. No person has a perfect life. However, the problem comes when this feeling dominates our daily life.
Chronic dissatisfaction is usually caused by two things: not accepting reality and not actively working to change what we don’t like. The secret that many people don’t know is that both of these things are crucial to feeling good. Applying only one of them is a recipe for overwhelm, depression, or unpleasant emotions.
What happens if you just accept the present?
Let’s imagine that you’re just trying to accept what’s happening to you. Even though there are things in your life that you don’t like at all, you decide to stop worrying about them. After all, enjoying the present as it comes is one of the keys to happiness.
So you force yourself to stop worrying about what you don’t like. If your boss treats you horribly, you turn the other cheek. If you don’t have enough resources to have children, you give up on having them. How do you think you would feel after a while acting like that?
You may end up feeling like you have no control over your life. You feel like a ship adrift, and rightly so. Acceptance is a very powerful tool, but only in two ways: as a starting point for change (if I don’t accept a problem, it will be difficult for me to get down to work on solving it) and as a way of coming to terms with what you cannot change.
On the other hand, it is likely that resigning yourself to everything that displeases you, creating a false acceptance, will end up causing you great discomfort, based on cognitive dissonance.
Is acting, without accepting what happens, the key?
Now let’s take the opposite example. Imagine that you hate your current situation and decide to take action to change it. However, you don’t accept that you have a share of responsibility because there have been many times when you have been tactless.
At this point, you can get down to work to create change. But without accepting your part, it is much more complicated for the effort you make to have the effect you are looking for. Thus, a lack of honesty with yourself will lead you to make wrong decisions, which will take you further and further away from what you want.
How to deal with chronic dissatisfaction?
If you are unhappy with your current situation, the solution is to combine the two strategies above. To be truly well, it is necessary to accept what happens to us and to actively work to change it. Although this may sound contradictory, an example will help you understand it.
Imagine that you have a high Body Mass Index (BMI) and you would like to reduce it. In addition, you believe that you would be happier if you were fitter. Well, the first step is to recognize, in a sincere dialogue with yourself, that you have this desire. Or that you don’t have it if you don’t have it. In either case, denying it will only serve to adopt strategies that will not help you.
But on the other hand, starting to diet and exercise, while beating yourself up for getting to this point, is not going to help either. Making yourself feel bad is a stone against your motivation. So, if you love yourself, what do you do?
- First, accept that you don’t like your body (or maybe you do if you do). You have a high BMI, and you’d like to be fit.
- Once you’ve recognized it, make sure that your current situation doesn’t define you. What matters is what you do to change it.
- Next, set a goal and start working towards it. In this case, you could change the way you eat, for example, or start exercising regularly. It’s best to have the help of someone who knows how to help you and wants to help you.
- Throughout the process, objectively observe what works and modify what doesn’t. All the while reminding yourself that it’s okay to move slowly, backtrack at some point, or even throw in the towel when necessary.
If you follow these four steps, chronic dissatisfaction will disappear. Just remember that accepting the situation and working to change it are two steps on the same path. It is difficult to establish an intelligent action plan if you have not first analyzed and accepted the present situation.