Personal and intimate social relationships are fundamental to our well-being or satisfaction, but they can also negatively affect, to the point of creating discomfort or suffering. But what is the basis for good personal relationships?
The key is that they are equal, respectful, positive, solid, honest, reciprocal, and committed, as the psychologist and professor of the University of Valladolid, María Inés Monjas Casares, explains to EFESalud. But this is the theory, because the practice is much more complicated.
To this, we must add the role that technology plays today. The expert maintains that it has affected us “not only in quantity, but also in quality, in the way we initiate, form, maintain, and end relationships.” Furthermore, we must add “the change in values in a society focused on the economic, the individual, the external, appearances, visibility, and material goods.”
This equation includes the increase of pathologies such as insomnia, digestive disorders, anxiety, depression, stress, high consumption of psychotropic drugs, and the increase of different problems of interpersonal violence.
According to EFESalud, the psychologist cites the philosopher and sociologist Zygmunt Bauman and speaks of liquid modernity and liquid love, which are characterized by a lack of consistency and warmth and the tendency to be increasingly superficial and fleeting.
Two theories
The author of “The Complex World of Interpersonal Relationships” divides the complex world of relationships based on two theories.
One of the reasons for maintaining or ending a personal relationship is based on the cost-benefit model. Relationships are started and maintained because they provide gains and rewards, such as companionship, emotional support, material goods, protection, or sex.
These, she says, involve dedication of time, personal effort, and even economic costs; only those in which the rewards exceed the costs remain.
The second, the theory of equity and reciprocity. On this basis, any relationship is always made a comparison of the contributions, costs and rewards of the participants, hoping that the balance will be equal and fair.
Reverse adverse situations
“When there is an imbalance, the person who receives less feels unappreciated, and the person who contributes less to the relationship may feel guilty,” Monjas points out.
To reverse adverse situations, the psychologist talks about the development of seven competencies: communication, sociability, assertiveness, emotional intelligence, empathy, and coping.