What to do with the memories we build? Where to store the desire we have left to keep trying? How to value the time we dedicate to another person, the one who was everything and who has now decided to say goodbye? What to do with the love we still have left to give? How to deal with a breakup, that end we wanted but that has arrived unexpectedly?
Ending a relationship is not pleasant, especially if we are not the ones who made the decision. Memories, nostalgia, and sadness will begin to invade us, and with them, questions like the ones above. Without wanting to, we can sink into a spiral of apathy and discomfort, something like a state of immobility in which nothing represents everything we want to do.
A breakup symbolizes a loss, a mourning, an ending, perhaps unexpected or at least unwanted, that leaves us insecure and alone facing a future that we see as uncertain at that moment.
Breakups are difficult for the person who doesn’t make the decision, but they are not impossible to overcome. Beliefs that one will never be happy again and that no one else will appear are very common in these types of situations, but they are only doubts and insecurities resulting from the disappointment and suffering experienced. In addition, they are also part of the process that must be gone through to heal.
Now, what to do when the end of a relationship appears? The best option, although it may seem a little contradictory, is to do nothing. That is, to let the process follow its natural course. Normally, we need a stop, a time to reflect, and for this, the best thing is to do it from calm and solitude. Only in this way will we promote adequate introspection, a sincere and sometimes painful look into our interior.
Once we have connected with ourselves, the next step is to open up to the emotions we experience, whether they are anger, sadness, hatred, or any other. The important thing is to listen to them to gradually release them, answer our questions and, in turn, face our fears. Now, this is not something that happens in one, two, or three days, or even in the first week. It is a slow process that requires awareness and preparation, so it will vary depending on the person.
What do we do with the memories we have left?
What to do with everything you’ve experienced with the other person? Nothing. We don’t have to do anything. A breakup is a part of the path we have to go through, but the memories belong to us, they are experiences that we don’t have to lose because they are part of who we are now. They may hurt at first because we thought there would be no end, but they are there and with time we will manage to give them a space and place them in the place they deserve, a little box that when opened generates emotion, but controllable and healthy.
Sometimes we indeed insist on speeding up the process and we want immediate answers, but instead of moving forward, we may go backward. Emotions need time to be allowed to transform. Therefore, if we simply let everything take its course, it may be resolved little by little, as long as it is not a stormy, absorbing, or overly toxic relationship. Thus, when we leave room for reason, we may realize that everything was not so wonderful and that leaving the relationship was the best thing.
Spending our time with someone who no longer loves us or who prefers not to share their time with us, allows us to be alone to get to know ourselves, take care of ourselves, and perhaps find another person who does want to be with us. Therefore, when the storm passes and emotions calm down, when we learn to listen to ourselves and allow ourselves time and space, we will realize that it is not the end, but the beginning of a new stage.
How long can the pain of a breakup last?
Healing the pain of a breakup depends on each person. There is no set time for it, but the more we try not to think, not to remember, to do a thousand things to avoid being alone or to hold back our tears, the more we will delay this process. Let us not forget that mourning the loss and being alone with ourselves is essential to closure and healing, to gather strength to rebuild ourselves again.
“It hurts to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to let go, but it’s even more painful to ask them to stay when they want to leave.”
Time and emotional management make it possible to overcome a breakup. However, if the state of apathy and sadness continues over time, it is advisable to see a specialist.