Do you feel used by your sexual partner? Does he or she only seek you out when he or she wants sex? Does he or she care exclusively about his or her pleasure, leaving aside yours and your feelings? If you have experienced any of this, pay attention to what we have to tell you about sexual narcissism.
Sexual narcissism shares many aspects with narcissistic personality disorder. In addition, it is specifically characterized by the following:
- Sexual egocentrism ( they seek their pleasure ).
- Lack of empathy (they do not put themselves in the other person’s shoes, nor do they care about their physical or emotional needs).
- Need for control and dominance over others.
- A taste for no-strings-attached relationships.
- Great sense of superiority.
- Excessive concern about physical image.
Sexual Narcissism
First of all, people with a high degree of sexual narcissism are usually very competent in the art of seduction. They are generally endowed with a good physical appearance, dialectical ability, and, apparently, attentive and affectionate with others, especially with those who do not know them very well.
Another characteristic of sexual narcissism is that people who have it may initially seem very attractive. In this way, their appearance, self-confidence, and decisive actions can please those around them, especially those with a more dependent profile or low self-esteem.
Today, we know that sexual narcissists feign a false sense of competence or self-worth. Being so self-centered makes it impossible for them to focus on others. As such, they will never put themselves in another’s shoes, can be very insensitive, and lack empathy.
The other side of sexual narcissism
When someone falls into the clutches of a sexual narcissist, at first it’s all good times, laughter, and moments of pleasure. However, as time goes by, the victim discovers that things are not going well. Suddenly, they discover the other side of sexual narcissism.
Over time, that seducer leaves you with an ever-growing void. As far as sexual encounters are concerned, they only happen when this person wants them, and in the way they want them. In addition, they do not care about their partner’s sexual needs. In this way, what was once passion is now suffering. In short, sexual relations become almost, or completely, humiliating.
In this case, you can criticize the attitude of the person with sexual narcissism, but he will never recognize his mistakes or his lack of empathy. On the contrary, he could defend himself with phrases like these:
- The problem is that you are too demanding.
- This has never happened to me before.
- My ex-girlfriends/boyfriends have always told me that I am the best.
- Maybe due to certain physical problems, you cannot reach orgasm.
- Etc.
In short, he will always blame the other person, and will never accept responsibility or the possibility of being wrong in his arguments. This is especially serious because, in sex, a large part of our satisfaction is in knowing how to satisfy the other person. Sexual narcissists lack interest in satisfying their partner.
Sex becomes a punishment.
Sex is a dangerous element when it enters into the power relations of the couple. In this sense, people with sexual narcissism will use sex as a weapon. In this way, if they want to punish their partner – for whatever reason – they can use sexuality to do so.
Thus, the sexual narcissist may be able to regain access to sexual relations under the conditions imposed by the sexual narcissist. Above all, he will avoid maintaining a solid bond with his partner to protect himself emotionally in the event of a possible breakup or abandonment. Increasingly, the axis of the relationship revolves around sexual relations. Relationships, however, are usually not at all satisfactory.
Sexual differences
There are certain manifestations related to sexual narcissism that are different in men and women:
- The sexually narcissistic woman often demands that her partner admire her. She will see her partner as more or less attractive depending on the admiration she inspires in the other. In addition, she will be more likely to punish her partner without sex. Access to sex will have a lot to do with the degree to which the partner submits to her demands.
- A man with sexual narcissism is often indifferent to his partner’s sexual satisfaction. He may be more likely to take physical advantage of his partner.
In conclusion
In conclusion, we must warn our readers that people with this profile hardly contribute anything of value to the lives of others. What is more, they will tend to feed off of what the people around them produce. In addition, they will hardly participate in a dialogue in which the focus is critically placed on them. Thus, it will be very difficult for anyone to make them identify their vision of the world as wrong.
All sources cited were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, timeliness, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Bleichmar, H. (2000). Application of the Modular-Transformational approach to the diagnosis of narcissistic disorders. Psychoanalytic Openings, 5.
- Dio Bleichmar, E. (2002). Sexuality and gender: new perspectives in contemporary psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytic Openings. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, (11).
- Freud, S. (1992). Introduction to narcissism. Alliance.
- Trechera, J. L., Millán Vásquez de la Torre, G., & Fernández Morales, E. (2008). An empirical study of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).