Talking about sex is still a taboo subject. There is a lot of suggestion and little that is said outside of the more scientific circles. This is why many doubts often arise about what it means to maintain a pleasurable and satisfying relationship. These questions affect many aspects of sexuality and today we are going to focus on one in particular: the female orgasm.
We are talking about a pleasurable sensation for women that is the subject of many beliefs and preconceived ideas. Which ones are true and which ones are just myths? Let’s try to stick to reality and set aside what is simply not true.
There is no single type of female orgasm.
Beyer and Komisaruk (2009) describe orgasm as “one of the most complicated biological processes known to us”. Firstly, many authors distinguish between two types of female orgasm: vaginal and clitoral. The first is somewhat more frequent and faster and is achieved through stimulation of the vagina during intercourse, without direct stimulation of the clitoris.
The clitoral orgasm, on the other hand, can potentially be more intense due to the large number of nerve endings found around it. In addition, women experience it differently: like a wave of heat that spreads throughout the body and generates muscle spasms. Below, we will refer to orgasm in general, without distinguishing between the two types.
Myths about female orgasm
Today, there are still many statements that allude to this feeling of female ecstasy that are taken for granted. These are erroneous considerations that, in addition to confusing us, can prevent us from enjoying our sexual relations to the fullest.
If a woman does not reach orgasm, it is because she does not enjoy it.
Although this may be the case, it does not necessarily have to be the reason. It is possible that the experience was not very pleasurable for the woman and, therefore, she did not reach her climax. But it is also possible that the sexual relationship was really good and she did not reach that climax either. Reducing the sexual act to “orgasm yes” or “orgasm no” is banal.
This statement is misleading and the result of terminological confusion. Currently, there is a mistaken belief in our society that orgasm and sexual satisfaction are the same or go hand in hand. But this is not the case. They are independent, so one can occur without the other.
Masturbation reduces the number of orgasms.
It’s just the opposite. Self-exploration is a way to gain experience and get to know yourself better. Women who masturbate know what they like best and what helps them experience pleasure. In this way, they are better able to guide their partner and make the relationship satisfying.
Kegel exercises are often used to improve sexual stimulation. Although they are best known for preparing pregnant women for childbirth or for treating urinary incontinence, they are also very useful for sexual well-being. They are a series of exercises that contract the muscles of the pelvic floor of the vagina and are intended to tone them.
If a woman does not have orgasms, she is sexually incapable, inept, or inactive.
In addition to being misogynistic, this is a completely wrong statement. We have already seen that sexual satisfaction does not go hand in hand with reaching this climax. Neither member of the couple has to reach it. Generating the obligation to have it is inconvenient and even harmful, as it can even cause the opposite effect: blocking pleasure.
However, if sexual intercourse is painful or the woman is unable to reach orgasm, the woman (and the man) should go to a specialist to check that she does not have any sexual problems, such as, for example, anorgasmia. Let us remember that a sexual relationship is much more than reaching that moment of “maximum pleasure”. Psychological, physiological, motivational, and cultural factors come into play… Therefore, for a woman to feel fulfilled she does not have to experience that orgasm. This will depend on each particular case.
Truths about female orgasm
After exposing some of the false beliefs that circulate it, we see what the truths are about this sensation of feminine ecstasy.
Women can have them in multiple ways.
Unlike men, who need a recovery period after orgasm (refractory period), women do not need to rest between one orgasm and the next. Both vaginal and clitoral orgasms can be experienced multiple times, uninterruptedly, and even simultaneously.
The little death: loss of consciousness
Orgasm is one of the moments of greatest ecstasy for women. It is so strong that it can even make them unconscious. This is the phenomenon known as the little death, also known as sweet death or petite mort. It refers to the refractory period that women experience after orgasm in the form of fainting or loss of consciousness.
Specialists believe that this is due to particularly strong respiratory changes that constrict the aorta. This pressure on the body’s main artery causes hyperventilation, an excess of oxygen in the blood. This in turn causes mild ischemia, a small – very small – lack of blood flow to the brain that causes loss of consciousness.
On the other hand, new research on this phenomenon has led to scanning the brains of women while they were experiencing an orgasm using the positron emission tomography technique. The results show that during clitoral stimulation there is a significant increase in activation in the areas of the dorsal somatosensory primary cortex of both hemispheres.
Orgasm appears to trigger a decrease in the activity of these regions, especially in the temporal lobe related to balance, which could explain the loss of balance that some women experience after an orgasm.
Synchronized orgasms exist
Although it is unlikely to happen, both partners may have an orgasm at the same time. It is one of the fantasies most often reflected in films, almost a classic ideal. But there is no need to obsess since achieving them simultaneously does not make them more enjoyable.
In addition, you can learn to synchronize them using different techniques. For example, a man can stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. However, mutual knowledge is essential.
You can have an orgasm without penetration.
The clitoris can be stimulated in many different ways (fingers, mouth, etc.), so a female orgasm can occur without the need for penetration. Sexual intercourse is much more than that: it is enjoying every moment, touch, and caress. Therefore, this climax can be reached in many ways. Therefore, it can become a magical moment and both partners can be satisfied without the need for this female climax to occur.
As we have seen, there are many preconceived and false ideas about the female orgasm. But many truths must be transmitted from adolescence. The work of sexual education is therefore fundamental.