For most of us, isolation causes a certain fear and even vertigo. Facing loneliness and looking at ourselves face to face is not usually easy. However, we can cope with it if we are connected to ourselves. However, there is an even more atrocious fear of loneliness or the experience of being alone known as autophobia. Each person can experience it differently; however, it is characterized by great discomfort when the person suffering from it is not in the company of others.
Although it is not one of the most common disorders, autophobia affects all kinds of people. Regardless of age, gender, or social context. More and more individuals are experiencing a great fear of not being accompanied. In this article, we will discover what the main causes of this problem are and how to combat it.
Why does autophobia occur?
At a time when we spend more time isolated from others than ever before, but at the same time feel “accompanied” – digitally – the fear of being alone emerges as a problem that affects a large number of people. The questions are: What is happening? Does being digitally connected bring us together or the opposite? Do we avoid our fears by being permanently connected?
It is becoming increasingly difficult for us to be alone with ourselves. It is as if we must be constantly busy and if by chance we have nothing to do, we look for any kind of activity. Anything to avoid thinking about how we feel and what we want to do. And the thing is, as a culture, we are afraid of ourselves.
We have received the message that loneliness is our great enemy, and so we seek constant stimulation. Although this is true for almost everyone, it is more intense in those who suffer from autophobia, as they experience great discomfort that sometimes leads to irrational and severe anxiety.
People who suffer from autophobia experience a strong feeling of anxiety at the prospect of being alone or having to do activities without a companion. Thus, the symptoms are similar to those of any type of phobia: pressure in the chest, difficulty breathing, irrational thoughts, sweating, fear of losing control… However, why does this problem appear? According to experts, there are two main causes:
- Extreme need for external validation.
- Fear or hatred towards oneself.
Let’s look at each one of them.
1- Extreme need for external validation
The first cause of autophobia has to do with our condition as social animals. People need to feel part of a group to a certain extent, as this gives us an identity and a purpose. Feeling part of a group is a necessary condition for our development as people. It is one of our main instincts.
This fear, according to research, appears when we think that confronting others could mean losing their approval and we do anything to obtain their acceptance. The problem is that we do not stop to think that, sometimes, it is important to express our disagreement, otherwise we lose our freedom and betray ourselves.
Those who suffer from autophobia think that spending an evening alone or without company is a clear indicator of social failure. However, this is nothing more than an irrational belief. It is practically impossible to be with people all the time .
2- Fear or self-hatred
The second cause of autophobia is less obvious, but it is behind much of the suffering caused by this disorder. For some people, being alone with their thoughts is a punishment. This is especially true for those who suffer from obsessions or who are burdened with an overly critical past. However, it can happen to anyone.
As a culture, we have learned not to examine ourselves. We observe and label our thoughts, desires, and emotions as if they were enemies. We try to feel good all the time and avoid what we don’t like. We are uncomfortable with discomfort and suffering. And we don’t realize that these things also define us and help us grow on a personal level.
For these reasons, people with autophobia hate being alone, as they partly don’t want to hear everything their mind has to tell them. The biggest problem with this is an extreme obsession with keeping themselves busy when they are not with others. To do this, they seek distraction by any means available to them. Even with activities that do not satisfy them.
In principle, there is no problem with wanting to do many things. The problem comes when an activity is done to avoid pain, rather than because it is truly stimulating. In the end, this avoidance mechanism tends to create more discomfort in the long term…
How to combat autophobia
When one suffers from autophobia, one experiences a deep discomfort with oneself, the result of a lack of acceptance. The task at hand is to discover oneself to love oneself and treat oneself with affection, otherwise, we will depend on the approval of others.
As with any other type of phobia, our strategy is to evade, to escape from the discomfort, from the emptiness that we feel when we don’t recognize ourselves. If you experience strong anxiety and a feeling of blockage or paralysis, it is advisable to go to a psychologist. Techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy or ACT therapy can be very useful to combat this problem.
However, we can always do something to combat it. The following tips can help us.
- Testing our beliefs. Irrational thoughts about loneliness are very present in autophobia. Therefore, it is important to check what we are telling ourselves about being alone to put it to the test. Questioning ourselves is often a good exercise to banish fears and worries.
- Do some activities alone. Usually, when we face a fear, it loses much of its power over us. You can start with small activities until, little by little, you feel more comfortable.
- Identify and recognize our strengths and weaknesses. Knowing ourselves involves the valuable task of knowing what our strengths are, as well as our vulnerabilities. Checking ourselves and recognizing everything that we are is important to support ourselves.
As we can see, self-love is the best antidote to autophobia. Appreciating ourselves is the foundation of our emotional health, a strong foundation that we can hold on to to achieve well-being.
All sources cited were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, timeliness, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Fromm, E. (2005). The Fear of Loneliness. G. Germani, Translator.) Barcelona: Ediciones Paidós Ibérica, SA .
- Lopez, P. (1996). Training in a case of phobia of darkness and fear of being alone in bed. Behavior Analysis and Modification, 22, 823-833.
- Nardone, G. (2003). Beyond Fear: Quickly Overcoming Phobias, Obsessions, and Panic (Vol. 42). Grupo Planeta (GBS).